you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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