If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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