I murdered the dance floor call the cops
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
