he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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