3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
