you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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