Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
