glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize