Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
