you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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