I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
