Hey man sorry I got all grabby
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
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