OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
After last night, I could never be a politician.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
