i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
