Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
