ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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