the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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