i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
