White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
