Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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