Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
