i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
