How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
