MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
