Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
