Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
