I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
