My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
