Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
