I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
True strength comes from lack of pants
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
