Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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