Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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