We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He passed out mid-signature
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
