I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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