i already hear my dad disowning me
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
PANTIES FOUND
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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