Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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