Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
