That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize