that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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