Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
