"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
