Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize