There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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