she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
