Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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