in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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