Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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