RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
