I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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