what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
