cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
zippers are such a cool invention
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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