oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
