the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
