You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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