does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
whose parrot is this?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize