dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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