Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Randomize
