We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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