Duck Duck Cougar?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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