I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
