i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I checked into jail on foursquare
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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