just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
