The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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