How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
