Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
