Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
