There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
