There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I can text with my tongue
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
