i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
