i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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