I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
