It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
