we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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