My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
