guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
