I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
