so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
