Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize