Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
