i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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