Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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