tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
