i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
