I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
