..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
tell your sister to shave her snatch
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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