I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
