We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
