And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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