I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
