I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I enjoy the company of your penis
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'm having to shit out rocks
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