took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
