Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
