Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
