Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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