Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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