I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
this just has baby written all over it
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
