Betty ford says i'm here all night
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
