Hey man sorry I got all grabby
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
