how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
