thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
