wakey wakey hands off snakey
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
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