fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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