The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
