She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize