So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
