And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize