As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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