He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I think a kid would responsible me up
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
