I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize