I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
