Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
