the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize