ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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