Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize