i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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